In my four years at this university, I’ve been late to massive lectures, small seminars, and even one-on-one meetings with professors. But don’t go thinking I’m some irresponsible student with no respect for education. Actually, I have the utmost appreciation for the value of education – the thing is, I’m not really a student.
See, I’ve been working undercover to crack the biggest campus drug ring in the country. Dealers have been flooding this school with dirty drugs for far too long, so I enrolled four years ago as a freshman English major. Ever since then, I’ve spent my time studying Shakespeare and chasing down crooks.
My goal, of course, is to get to the kingpin and shut down the whole operation. But this is a complicated situation, and I’ve had to turn in a few college kids in the process. Most of these kids are pretty naive, so I sometimes feel a little guilty…until I think about all the innocent victims and remember my ultimate goal.
Anyway, let’s get back to the whole late-for-class scenario. On this particular day, I was supposed to give a big presentation in my Hamlet seminar, but a scheduling conflict had come up: a big showdown, which I was hoping would inspire one of my targets to flip and lead me closer to the kingpin.
As I jogged down the campus sidewalk to the pre-planned meeting place, I pulled my Pixel 2 out of my pocket to type out a quick email to my professor. I paused to admire the incredibly sleek, clear Covert 2 case... how could a phone case be so slick and so sturdy at the same time? Okay, back to emailing. “Dear Prof. Jones,” I typed. “Unfortunately, an emergency has come up and…”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my target approach. He looked angry. He must know what’s coming. Suddenly, somebody grabbed me from behind and my Pixel 2 fell out of my hands and onto the sidewalk. I whipped around, got the ambusher in a headlock, and knocked him to the ground. Now I only had one pissed-off drug dealer to contend with.
“Listen,” I said to my target. “We can do this the easy way…or the hard way.” He just glared at me, so I knew I had him where I wanted him. I grabbed the handcuffs from the secret compartment in my backpack and led him towards an empty dorm building, where I called for backup to transport him to the interrogation center.
On my way out, I knelt down to pick up my Pixel 2, which was still in pristine condition thanks to my Covert 2 case. “That shockproof frame really does do the job,” I thought to myself. Smiling with appreciation over the quality of my gear, I finished typing out my email: “I’m running 15 minutes late. Looking forward to sharing my thoughts on Hamlet with the class.”
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